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05 April 2007 @ 09:07 am
The Season of the Shed  
That Woman hasn't posted photos nor done much else.  She's sat around whining about work and the non-internet connection that the humans have at home.  Its made posting near impossible she says.   The Cat thinks she's lazy.

The Woman says:

The Shedding is upon us.

As you all know, The Cat is originally from Down South, where there are really only two seasons:  The Cold Season and The Time of Unbearable Heat.  The mini-seasons, Spring and Fall, last for about a week or less, during which The Cat usually replaces his fur coat with a softer or thicker pelt as required.  He is a creature of habit and environment.

So The Cat decided that it must be Spring about mid-February and proceeded to start shedding his thick winter coat.  Fair enough, thought The Woman.  She can surely endure a week of cat-shedding.  

"Alergies be damned," she wheezed.  Such is the sinister, seductive nature of cats, that all manner of discomforts can be endured for the pleasure of being owned by these fine, noble creatures.   

So The Shedding began.  Small kittens began to form in the corner of every room.  The Giant swept the silent balls of fur away before their legs formed and they started to run.  After two weeks The Cat realized that it might be Spring in Kentucky, but by gods, it wasn't spring in Canada.  It was COLD.  He needed more fur.  The Winter pelt started growing back, coarser and deeper than ever before.   

Some time in early March The Cat said: "SPRING!  The Snow has melted!  Time to replace all the hair on my body!  This time, I'm serious!"

For the next two weeks everytime The Cat moved clouds of fur followed him.  Do you remember the character Pigpen in the Charlie Brown Cartoons?  He was based on The Cat.*   There was a veritable whirlwind of hair surrounded his every leap.  When he walked around corners The Hair followed him like a herd of paparazzi.   If you listened carefully you could hear it.

The Giant vaccumed day and night.  It was the only way he could stop the Hair Kittens from growing legs**.  The entire house vibrated with the constant sound of his efforts.   By mid-March, The Cat had replaced all the hairs on his body twice.  No kittens were found and The Woman gave a sigh of relief.

Spring slowly dragged it's body into the northern climes.  We had sunny, warmish days.  The first few insects buzzed around.  The Cat was allowed out onto the deck where stretched and sniffed and declared that yes, his new spring coat of soft and delicate fur would do just fine.

The Woman, finally able to breathe, wiped tears from her eyes.  Finally, she thought, it is over.

Last night though, The Woman went to pet The Cat.  The soft, delicate fur flew up, an effluvial event of epic proportions.  Thick, heavy fur began to form immediately, sprouting with incredible speed.  It was almost like watching Genisis.

The Woman choked and sputtered, barely able to breathe through all the flying fur.  Hair Kittens scattered for the darkest corners.

"Cat?!  What is going on?"  

The Cat said nothing but showed her his bum.  Then he ran and ran, galloping through the house, tearing up and down the stairs.  The Hair followed.

This morning The Woman woke up and looked outside.  

There was snow on the ground.  Yes, snow.  In April.  This is Canada, eh?   

It was cold and dark and filled her heart with fear.  

"Cat?" she cried out in a thin voice.  "Caaaat?"

The Cat was no where to be seen but something stirred in the corners, slowly tottering on delicate, half-formed legs.

* little known Cat Fact #1:  cats  travel in time.  The Cat Says, "The Tardis is for wimps."  Where do you think we go when we aren't around the house?  Visiting the Queen?  Why do you think there are so many of us? 

** little understood Cat Fact #2: "you can fix a cat, but you can't really Fix a cat".  Cats, if spayed or neutered, can still reproduce asexually.   When clumps of cat hair reach critical mass they begin to form legs.  The legs always grow first, allowing the Hair Kitten to better hide itself in corners, under beds, behind the toilet, etc.  Once the legs form the stomach forms right before the brains - which when you think about it explains a lot. 
Matt (it's short for Bob): bleahmattshortforbob on April 5th, 2007 03:17 pm (UTC)
The Cat thinks she's lazy
That's a compliment in CatSpeak, right?

FWIW, it wouldn't necessarily be any better for you here in the Land of Two Seasons. In Boulder, for example, although there are only two seasons, they are fractally enmeshed at their boundaries. It is entirely possible to have shorts-and-t-shirt weather in the morning and snow in the afternoon (yes, I have actually seen this). We had snow on the ground a couple of days ago. I don't know what effect it would have on The Mighty Progeny of Bast*, but it plays serious sillybuggers with the outside plantlife.

*I like this phrase. I think it should become official. TMPoB (all pettings be upon them).
Cinnabari: pookacinnabari on April 5th, 2007 04:20 pm (UTC)
in Boulder...
In the Smallest Apartment Ever, with its southern exposure and fine view of the blacktop parking lot, it was a steady 75 all winter, and hella hot in summer. There was no undercoat. There was just a constant fine layer of black cat fur everywhere. Like soot.
Livia Llewellyn: Blue cityscapelivia_llewellyn on April 5th, 2007 03:21 pm (UTC)
Ok, you need to tell The Woman to flock this post, then rework it into a flash and send it forth unto the markets. Because, this is a great story. :D
S. Rain: kitty - Lilithsrain on April 5th, 2007 04:34 pm (UTC)
It snowed here too. WTH? Of course, I'm not really much farther south than you. :D

We think Miss Morgana might get shaved this year. She's had just the worst time with mats and keeping up with her floof.

No matter what we do, Miss Morgana always has giant piles of fluff coming off her. For that matter, Lilith has the same issue but we think it's mostly do to her massive levels of anxiety. PET ME! LOVE ME! WHY WON'T YOU LOVE MEEEEEE!?!?!
mrtubbs: Cute FCmrtubbs on April 5th, 2007 07:57 pm (UTC)
It's snowing here, as I type.
But, I don't really care. The furnace is on, and I don't live Out There any more.
Airiddh1: ziggykittenairiddh1 on April 5th, 2007 08:43 pm (UTC)
ROFLMAO! Its actually lovely and spring like in Scotland just now - tho that could change at any minute!

THink yourself lucky tho - Ziggy used to shed ALL YEAR LONG - and of course, being black & white he managed to leave black hairs on all the light things, and white hairs on all the dark things!
Carla: LOKIhunnyfreak on April 5th, 2007 10:53 pm (UTC)
being black & white he managed to leave black hairs on all the light things, and white hairs on all the dark things!

*groan* Loki is the same way!! I find white hairs on my black shirts, and don't even get me started on my creamed colored bed sheets!!
Carla: orly?hunnyfreak on April 5th, 2007 10:55 pm (UTC)
It's the same here in Alberta! *smites the weather*

I have swept up enough cat hair in the last 10 days to crochet myself two new cats!
felixthegirlcat: pic#58382179felixthegirlcat on April 6th, 2007 04:54 pm (UTC)
I'm shedding too:) I find it quit funny to jump on any of my humans laps and rub around and leave lots of fur behind. They get so mad. he he
polyhymnia gene marie mundactylpolycat on April 8th, 2007 03:04 pm (UTC)
it snowed in NEW YORK. my fur don't know what all to do.
ms_felinefatale on May 24th, 2007 02:12 am (UTC)
I love shedding, it feels oh-so-goooood! Especially when a human pets you and the fur just goes flyiiiing! hehe
Somewhere in here, is a story to be told...oregongirl on September 2nd, 2007 07:28 am (UTC)
Hope the cat, woman and giant are doing well. We miss your posts!
(Anonymous) on August 25th, 2008 07:50 pm (UTC)
I'm new here, just wanted to say hello and introduce myself.